My grandfather once told my father that he’d rather my father smoke cigarettes than ever lie to him, and my father passed that sentiment on to me. The coo of a mourning dove fills my heart with a nostalgia I may never understand. I have two cats, but I don’t consider myself a ‘cat person’. Dogs are great too, but they don’t bury their own poop, and they will let a perfectly good cadaver go to waste for no other reason than it belongs to their recently deceased owner. My mother told me when I was young that my handwriting grades didn’t matter, and now I can rarely read my own handwritten notes. If I grew up to be a doctor, this anecdote would be amusing. My friends and I used to be afraid of an evil spirit in Clint’s basement, but it turned out that it was just sleep paralysis. I once ate a Dixie cup full of mayonnaise for ten dollars at a party, and later drank a half-gallon of whole milk every day for two years during business school. Now I avoid both.
Justin Scott has hosted 106 Episodes.
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Episode 80: ‘Woke by Committee’, with Special Guest Teresa Sheffield
May 14th, 2017 | 1 hr 2 mins
eye candy, headline of the week, stupid shit my friends post, trumped up
Sean Spicer hides in the bushes, a Heineken beer ad goes viral, a ‘conservative’ meme offers anti-rape tips to victims, KFC publishes a romance novel, Chybik Kristof builds a plastic chair–clad showroom, and Mike manages his Tourette’s with this one weird trick.
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Episode 79: ‘Cheeky Exploits’, with Special Guests B.R. Cohen and Simon Tonev
May 6th, 2017 | 59 mins 32 secs
eye candy, headline of the week, is this a thing, stupid shit my friends post, trumped up
Steve Bannon writes a musical, Mike’s buddies beat up Vanilla Ice, showing your butt in beautiful landscapes is now a thing, Al Gore's mansion lacks solar panels, someone in Virginia is shaving other people’s cats, and the Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library has no windows.
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Episode 78: ‘Beaver-speak and Rat Drinking’, with Special Guest Dan Hill
April 29th, 2017 | 1 hr 7 mins
eye candy, headline of the week, stupid shit my friends post, trumped up
Trump touts his progress made against his 100-day plan, a hopeful teen is 15 million tweets short of a lifetime supply of Wendy’s chicken nuggets, Brickl Bros. are hiring construction workers (‘snowflakes’ need not apply), bewildered beaver becomes accidental leader of 150 curious cows, a Japanese Pufferfish uses ‘art’ to attract a mate, and Marcel Duchamp signs a toilet.
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Episode 77: ‘Parody Bro’, with Special Guest David the Producer
April 22nd, 2017 | 1 hr 11 mins
eye candy, headline of the week, stupid shit my friends post, trumped up
Oregon man dies peacefully after being lied to about Donald Trump's impeachment, Alabama Senate says church can start its own police force, John Burk shares his selfies and his regressive ideology, Facebook streams a murder, and Doug Wheeler builds a semi-anechoic chamber in a ‘hidden’ room at the Guggenheim.
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Episode 76: ‘Long-distance Handy’, with Special Guest Adam Christopher
April 15th, 2017 | 1 hr 14 mins
eye candy, headline of the week, stupid shit my friends post, trumped up
Sean Spicer explores Godwin’s law, United Airlines unveils its new ‘Hunger Games’ fare class, a missing Oxford comma may cost Oakhurst Dairy $10M, Cleveland releases ‘asteroid field’ of 1.5M helium balloons, and a German computer repair technician pushes the boundaries of consent.
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Episode 75: ‘The Soylent Surge’, with Special Guest Josh Wade
April 7th, 2017 | 1 hr 1 min
eye candy, headline of the week, is this a thing?, stupid shit my friends post, trumped up
Mike experiences a zipper malfunction at a baptism, Phone Romeos in India look for love via wrong numbers, Pat Robertson resents at-will employment, Spiders could theoretically eat every human on Earth in one year, and David Neevel creates a Trump tweet-burning robot.
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Episode 74: ‘A Very Noncommittal Slide Whistle’, with Special Guest Carrie Poppy
March 31st, 2017 | 58 mins 40 secs
don't start believing, eye candy, fake news, stupid shit my friends post, trumped up
Carrie recounts her various religious conversions, Paul Ryan has a healthcare Freudian slip, Facebook cracks down on fake news, male lawmakers contemplate women's health legislation, the Ten Commandments may be coming back to an Oklahoma courthouse, and Arinze Stanley draws insanely realistic portraits.
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Episode 73: ‘Google Search Roulette’, with Special Guest Matthew Van Dyke
March 26th, 2017 | 58 mins 32 secs
eye candy, headline of the week, poorly summarized science, stupid shit my friends post, trumped up
Trump takes credit for Kaepernick's shaky employment situation, your beard (probably) doesn't contain poop after all, Palin shares a meme articulating the differences between liberals and conservatives, Josh Chubbs performs cut-rate circumcisions in his cabin in the woods, and Jennifer Bolande restores mountain vistas one billboard at a time.
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Episode 72: ‘A Mixing of Fluids’, with Special Guest Joe Sondow
March 19th, 2017 | 1 hr 18 secs
eye candy, headline of the week, is this a thing?, stupid shit my friends post, trumped up
Team Trump issues a flawed St. Patrick's Day hat, a new Texas bill seeks to curb men's superfluous emissions, the US Army doesn't work for the 'brother of ISIS' anymore, the Jawzrsize promises to strengthen your jawline, and Rachel Sussman takes kintsugi to the streets of New York.
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Episode 71: ‘Cinnamon Stillwood’
March 11th, 2017 | 1 hr 2 mins
jimenez lai, lgbtq, religion, sean spicer, state worship
Sean Spicer fails at Twitter, porn star gives up adult filmmaking to become a pastor, flag desecration laws are unconstitutional, theater refuses to show 'Beauty and the Beast' over alleged 'gay moment', and Jimenez Lai draws cartoon buildings in section.
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Episode 70: ‘A Morally Explorative Life’, with Special Guest Ahmad Philips
February 27th, 2017 | 1 hr 9 mins
giuseppe penone
Pence gets in trouble for conducting public business with his personal AOL account, PwC botches the Oscars finale, an image depicting 'the future that liberals want' goes viral, a disgruntled Texas family writes an honest obituary, Mike eulogizes his father, and a fastidious sculptor carves the growth rings out of trees.
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Episode 69: ‘Benevolent Sexism’, with Special Guest Margaret Dodge
February 25th, 2017 | 1 hr 9 mins
josh begley, new york times
Thousands protest Trump's immigration policy on 'A Day without Immigrants', an enterprising chiropractor patents labia glue as tampon alternative, Norman Rockwell paintings might be subliminal erotica, frozen hair selfies are sweeping the Yukon, a photographer captures New York Times covers, and Mike picks up a new habit.
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Episode 68: ‘Canadian Pie’, with Special Guest Seán McGuire
February 18th, 2017 | 1 hr 9 mins
Mike discovers cappuccino, Donald Trump surveys the public about the media's credibility, Wolf Blitzer makes un-funny jokes about tragic murder, Utah Republican enumerates the unintended consequences of equal pay laws, 74-year-old man gets entire church high on weed cookies, website tracks space junk.
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Episode 67: ‘The Fastidiousness of a Serial Killer’, with Special Guest Jonathan Nadel
February 11th, 2017 | 1 hr 3 mins
The TSA tries to catch obvious terrorists, science identifies the serial killer pattern, a meme depicts the bible’s teachings about immigration, MIT explores the morality of murderous self-driving cars, and Russian garbage becomes art.
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Episode 66: ‘The Mary Jane Look’, with Special Guests Susie Meister and Sarah Rice
February 5th, 2017 | 1 hr 43 secs
The crew takes a moment of silence for the Bowling Green massacre, an elderly woman licks eyeballs for money, UC Berkeley students protest a troll, scientists create a human-pig hybrid, and a Dutch artist creates a new “species.
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Episode 65: ‘Precocious Baby Nazi’, with Special Guest Joey Alison Sayers
January 29th, 2017 | 1 hr 4 mins
Sean Spicer goes ham on Dippin’ Dots, Richard Spencer takes one in the jaw, Mike explains the inherent sexism of chivalry, inventors streamline bacon cooking, and Joey considers in-skull mechanical locusts.